Reality....

Oliver is now 2 weeks old and he has been home for 11 days and there have been some easy times and some NOT so easy times! The reality of having this little munchkin and the ups and downs it brings!
Oliver was a dream when he came home, he just ate and slept and woke up twice in the night to feed... we thought we were doing really well and that we were on track to breastfeed for a while until his first baby clinic appointment a week ago. I went in smiling feeling happy that this little munckin was doing so well and then when we weighed him we found he has lost weight instead of gaining the little bit he should have from feeding, i was devastated! I felt it is my duty to feed him and the fact that i wasn't doing that well just broke me. I was put on meds to help my milk come in and then from there the wheels fell off - Oliver wouldn't settle at night, i was feeding him every 2 hours on both breasts trying to nourish him and yet he still cried all night from hunger, we could hear his tummy grumbling!
Then 2 days later i woke up with a fever, feeling horrible and my left breast was swollen and red and i could NOT touch it at all let alone feed Oliver, i freaked out thinking his next feed is in 2 hours now what do we do! We called our baby clinic lady, Barbara (who is an angel) and she said we will need to get him some formula (which i felt was a huge failure on my part) and then a pump to express as i couldn't go a day without expressing or it would not be good for me! It turns out i have mastitis, my milk still wasnt coming in and my poor boy was hungry! Mike, my hero / angel / Godsend popped out to get the formula, anitbiotics for me and a breast pump (toooo funny imagining him standing there trying to choose a breast pump) and then home he came for Olivers first bottle feed!
My boy chomped that bottle like there was no tomorrow then slept like he hadnt slept in days!!!!

 One of the good things about Ollie being on a bottle is that Mike can take feeds and also my mom can babysit if we need to pop out and there isn't this panic of getting back in time to breastfeed him!

So yesterday we made the decision, after a long discussion and many tears that breast feeding just wasn't working for me, my milk still hadn't come in enough and my poor boy needed food - so Ollie is on the bottle full time and he is loving it - his tummy gets full, his jaundices has gone away and he is sleeping so well! I was expressing every 2 hours on both breasts and after 4 express session i would produce about 30ml of milk - Ollie needs at least 100ml per feed every 3 hours - so ya! Nothing could be done but accept that these things happen and there is nothing you can do besides do what is best for your child!

A word of advise for moms to be - don't have a set plan in your mind about how things are going to go - it will only throw you completely off and shake your world!

I was adamant i was going to have a natural birth - after 3 hours of pushing i was rushed into an emergency c-section.

I was adament that i was going to breast feed unitl i had to go to work - no milk = needing formula.

It is so good to have an idea and wants for your birth and your baby but trust me reality sets in and you have to just go with what is best for you, your baby and what works!!
Thursday was my "all fall down" day BUT after coming to terms with what had to be done and what needed to be done for Ollies well being i adjusted my thought patterns and now i am comfortable with the decision to bottle feed him and go from there!!
Shoooo - lots to learn BUT it is so totally worth it!!!!

Now my boy is sleeping so beautifully!!!

 His tummy is full and he is a happy boy!!
We needed to do what we needed to do and i cannot wait till tomorrow to see if Oliver has put on the weight that he should - praying that he has - please pray too!!