Now and then....

Now and then - it seemed the "now" would never come when Lolly was so little and so helpless but the "now" is here and it seems that the "then" never happened.... or happened a lifetime ago!

There are so many things I learned from having this little bundle of joy (and nerves and anxiety and sleep deprivation and worry) and I am praying so hard that if and when we have another baby I will leave all the crippling expectations behind and enjoy the slow mornings, the quite feeds, the soothing of a little helpless baby and that smell of baby that all mothers know... I will start praying now for when that time comes for it to be different from how things went with Lolly. Battling post natal depression  is something I never want to re-live and that fear grips me when I think of having another baby. My prayers is that it won't steal anything from me again and that I have learnt enough and know better now so the second time around will be redemption for me.