Mike snapped this pic of Ollie and I and sent it to me because he thought it was a special mom - son moment, which it really was. Ollie was never a cuddler but he is becoming more and more cuddly which I LOVE - I soak it in whenever I can.
BUT all I see when I see this picture is my FAT mommy body... I scrutinize everything - my tummy, my double chin, my boob resting on my tummy - I went immediately to delete it and my heart said NO - keep it. Its a special moment that needs to be cherished.
I struggle with being unhappy with my body and then wondering why it bugs me so so much - why is it an obsession, why does my weight define me, why do I feel less than because I haven't managed to loose the baby weight 7 months after my daughter was born? WHY?
I still haven't gotten to answer to the why but I do feel like I have to work at getting my mind right about my body, I want to loose weight, I want to feel confident and I want to feel like my old self - so how? How do I do this when it feels so overwhelming - 17kgs / 20kgs to loose is a lot and I have struggled doing it on my own for the last 4 months - I actively started eating well and trying to exercise just before I went back to work - I managed to loose some but then it stopped.
I decided it was time I sough external help which I have, I started my eating plan last week and I already FEEL better - I am not miraculously skinny - but my mind is feeling better so its the start I needed....